Breaking Barriers from struggles to success 

The story’s of women who overcame every  obstacles thrown their way  

 21 October 2023

About Me

Hi, I have been absolutely obsessed and incredibly fascinated by the stories of these women, who I have found so empowering. And I have decided to write about them on my blog, Breaking Barriers. After learning and researching these stories, they have taught me one thing : no matter how hard life gets, persevere and make the change that you want. So I hope to make the c
hange by sharing these stories to empower you so you will know that girls can do anything despite what anyone says. So without further ado ,enjoy!

Ending the cycle Naila Amin and her battle with child marriage

Imagine when you were 8 years old and your parents took you to your home country, Pakistan, to meet your relatives. During that visit, to your own shock, they told you “Hey, this is your husband”. The boy who was supposedly your future husband had been your cousin, and at 8 years old ,you were betrothed to him. At 15,  you were married to the man in a traditional Nikah ceremony. This was the horrifying reality for Naila Amin.  

                                                                                                   Her story 

Got married at 15

One day Naila’s mother took her on a shopping trip. “Why?”she asked because your wedding is in a few days . Naila had just turned 15, yet her horror story began at age 8, when her father engaged her to her first cousin, who had been 13 years older than her, on a visit to her home country, Pakistan. She soon returned to America, where she was left in confusion and shock over what happened. She was in fourth grade when the events unfolded. While most kids were playing with Barbies, the young girl had to think of marriage. She had no one to confide in at home, and in school, she was bullied for her descent. She returned to Pakistan. And after 8 years, it was finally time for her nuptials, and just like that, she was married at 15 in a traditional Nikah ceremony. She hadn’t been able to understand the nightmare unfolding in front of her. In the next few hours, she had been engaged against her wishes for visa purposes so her husband could enter the United States of America .

    Ran away in a carriage

Her relationship with her parents only grew worse. Her father had physically abused her, and the situation was so bad that he forbade her to go out or to go to school. They believed that she had become “westernised”. Forced to consummate her marriage, she ran she ran away from home. The girl who had been married, unwillingly fled to a nearby village, pleading with an old woman to help her by lending her carriage. She swapped scarves with a lady to disguise herself and set off to Islamabad. She rode with her hands still covered in henna from her wedding night. She lived with her aunt. However, she wasn’t able to have peace forever.Her husband would find her soon. And her own father had to be locked up to prevent him from shooting her. And despite all she went through, she was left with her husband, since according to the family, that was the best. 

 “This is the end.”

On her way back to her aunt’s house, her husband came alongside his three cousins. He was raging with anger. Her husband had slapped her to the point where her ears rang. She was forced to return home. And in her village, she had learned that her father had to be placed in jail because he supposedly had a gun and wanted to shoot her for dishonouring the family. From then on, her life could only be described as the deepest part of hell on earth. Her husband had publicly shamed and abused her. Her husband also enforced strict rules for the girl. The man forbade her from going to stay with her aunt and insisted she wear a burka (a long, loose garment covering the whole body typically worn by Muslim women). Being put through so much pain and suffering by the people who you thought were supposed to protect you means that you have to have the strength to protect yourself and be told that you committed a grave mistake. A young girl stood there and thought to herself “ I don’t want to be married to him; this is the end”. And her wish would soon come true. Her uncle has alerted social services after discovering the horrific reality of Naila’s life. 

 The escape

Thanks to her uncle, the foster care workers arrived at her village a month later . Her parents had gotten word and were worried as they knew the consequences of their actions. And they strictly instructed Naila to tell them that she was happily married and all was well. The truth had to come out .Naila knew that , but she was well aware that there was a price to pay for her freedom. If she told the social workers the truth, it would mean she would never be able to see her family again. The social workers devised to trick her husband by telling him that they were there to check Naila’s papers. When they finally got to meet Naila alone , they saw her bruises. It was vital to get her out ,but they had to be careful. In February 2005, her mother and younger sister returned to America. On landing, the former was charged with kidnapping. To avoid prosecution, the prosecutors insisted that Naila return to America. Her father called her ex-husband and told him that she must return ;otherwise ,he and his wife face a severe  jail sentence. On March 15th 2005, she left Pakistan and was finally allowed to start her journey to recovery.

Barred windows equate to freedom.

Upon arrival, she was greeted in the US by her caseworkers, police officers, child, protection services, and even an FBI agent. They situated Naila at Madonna Heights, a residential treatment facility for young girls  who were severely mentally ill. She spent her first night there in a psychiatric hospital. And a walk to see pink walls, white sheets and barred windows, which to her is the symbol of freedom, the nightmare was finally over. Life here did not fully come with ease,  as most of the inmates mistook her for Indian. And there was no Halal food in the establishment. She later called the Commissioner of Social Services, demanding that she be placed in foster care. “I want a family”. “I don’t want to be locked up with a bunch of girls with crazy life stories.” She eventually found a good home and was able to heal.

Naila’s Law

Naila is now a high-profile activist and well-known figure for women’s rights. She spent the last six years campaigning to change the law and change the attitude towards child marriage. She works as a social worker. And on  March 15 2015, she went public with her story and made headlines. She has appeared at the UN. And she has started her own foundation. She has met Malala and is on the Commission of the status of Women. Thanks to her efforts, she was able to start Naila’s Law, a bill named after her that would end child marriage in New York and ban all marriages for those under the age of 18. And it had been signed by Governor Cuomo put into action. And because of her, New Jersey has become the second state in America to put an end to child marriage thanks to her. Child marriage is not just happening in rural parts of the world; it is also happening in America, and it needs to be stopped. In an interview, Naila said “ I have to cut my heart open for every little girl out there because if I can do it, you can do it too”.

Creating lines of code for lines of security the story of Tracy Chou, a female software engineer  

                    

                                                                 The defining moment 

In 2010, Tracy Chou  joined a small startup company called Quora. The question-and-answer site barely had many users, and she was one of the first fewfemale software engineers on the site. She soon learned that on the site, 9 out of 10 of the most active users on the site were men, and the only 1 woman had oddly left the site. Upon discovery, Chou learned that the reason the women had left was because she constantly came into contact with many misogynistic questions. This stuck with her throughout the span of her career as a software engineer, not only because of how upsetting it was but also because she could relate to it.

Being an Asian American woman online

Tracy had often gravitated to the app Twitter and would often love to use it in her free time; in her own words, she was “ a little bit addicted”. Honestly, who could blame her? It gave her the opportunity to connect with people like her when she felt alone. It gave her a platform to speak about her experiences with racism and sexism, especially in Silicon Valley, and her following had kept growing, but good things don’t last forever. As soon as online trolls would often direct several  racist slurs and sexist comments towards her simply because she was an Asian American woman. Some persistent users would often supplement their online abuse with real world harassment. With one user even going to the extent of stalking her from London to San Francisco. This meant that every time she opened twitter it allowed her to be exposed to the abuse intern making her feel very unsafe . It wasn’t just her from 2014 to 2020 the amounts of online harassment increased from 5% to 11% and physical threats doubled from 7% to 14.

Creating the much-needed change in digital media

Tracy had been searching around for her next project. So she decided to tackle the situation at hand. And I knew at firsthand how platforms such as Twitter could potentially be places for online and even physical harassment. And what set her apart was that, unlike her male counterparts, who likely saw direct messages as a way for users to bond and connect, she was able to recognise their dangers. She strongly believes that “a big aspect of it is gender and race, where most women have had to deal with harassment throughout their lives”. And she wanted to put an end to it. This is what motivated her to start developing Block Party, an app that would allow users to filter out troll accounts that send hateful comments. She had also introduced a feature that would  nominate a separate user to access it on their behalf. In case any victims needed physical evidence to give the police, in this world, there are a lot of people who simply choose to respond by deleting all the evidence they want to make it go away. And it is very understandable, but when they come forward with their stories without evidence, it only becomes harder to accuse the perpetrator. So Chou’s creation of this feature is absolutely wonderful. And because of her success with Block Party platforms like Facebook and Instagram, have been inspired to create similar features on their websites. As of the moment, Block Party only works on Twitter, but Chou is determined to expand to other websites. As for her now, when she visits Twitter, her experience has vastly improved, allowing her to no longer be in fear of harassment from troll accounts. And granted her the ability  to feel safe again on the website.

Activism

Chou had attended the annual Grace Hopper Celebration of Women in Computing in 2013. Over here, she became very curious about the topic of female representation in tech companies, leading her to collect data on the matter to assess the severity of the issue. Prompting her to write a blog urging tech companies to disclose the number of female staff in technical roles. Knowing that many corporations may not be very likely to do so publicly, she had also set up a repository on GitHub, allowing anyone to submit a full request. And by January 2016, the repository had a. received the statistics of over 250 firms. And to her surprise, there was a shocking gap between the number of male and female workers. She has identified a number of reasons for the lack of female representation in large companies. And she has strongly argued on the principle that “nobody suggests to a woman that a career in software engineering is a realistic possibility; she is less likely to consider it”. She believes that there are few role models for women and minorities in this field.

Changing Lives

During this time, Tracy had been the lead software engineer at Pinterest. In late July 2015, Pinterest launched a project to hire more women and minorities for their company. And they had even publicly disclosed their progress and the obstacles they had faced to attaining their goals. Chou's role in highlighting the issue has been credited as a reason for the initiative. The initiative received praise from none other than former US Senator Jessie Jackson. In August 2015, Chou participated in the Twitter hashtag campaign #ILookLikeAnEngineer, started by Isis Anchalee to give young women role models. They had even made a wide range of appearances to promote the fact that women can be engineers. And because of her strong impact on the world, Tracy Chou has been named the 12th Woman of the Year, according to Time magazine. And in my opinion, she absolutely deserves it.

From oppression to liberation, the odyssey of Yeonmi Park, a North Korean defector    

What life in North Korea is really like

Yeonmi grew up in the North Korean border town of Hyeson. Her childhood was spent in the North Korean famine. This tasked her father with smuggling all sorts of goods from China to North Korea to feed her family. He was later arrested for smuggling metal,salt,sugar and spices. And was sentenced to hard labor in a prison camp. This is where things became tough for her family as food soon became scarce. Growing up, Yeonmi was often been told “ do not whisper because even the birds and mice can hear you”. In North Korea, civilians had often been educated that the Kim dictators were gods and they could read her mind, which prevented her from having even the freedom of thought. In reality, the regime instructed civilians to report anyone who did not abide by them, and if they refused, both party’s would be punished. Being North Korean means either you abide by the propaganda issued by the regime or you get severely punished. As a child in the country, she constantly had to worry about where her next meal would come from. She often resorted to eating bugs and grass. In North Korea, several words such as freedom, individualism and love do not exist. Growing up, she did not know the meaning of love; to her, it simply meant love for the dear leader. The constant brain washing worked, and to her this was what daily life was. Until she stumbled onto the movie Titanic, which gave her the first “taste of freedom” and marked the beginning of a long journey.

A bowl of rice can change a person’s life 

Yeonmi’s sister had escaped in prior yet she had not informed anyone. Her mom and her  searched for her sister. And decided to escape after learning what happened . And were told to meet a lady at the border who would help her. Yeonmi knew that escaping wouldn’t mean being executed or being sentenced to political prison camp . Where she and her mother would be brutally tortured and starved to death. Throughout her journey to the border her mother and her carried razors to make sure that if they did get caught, they wouldn’t have to face the torture and could end things then and there. The borders were typically heavily militarised with guards  in every ten metres who would gladly shoot if they saw her escape. The Gobi desert seemed an unlikely place for people to escape, which meant that fewer guards would be stationed there. And soon the women her sister claimed would help had bribed the guard and allowed Yeonmi and her mom to flee. From here, she then walked on foot through the Gobi desert . She didn’t have any maps or directions but all she could see were the stars in the sky and the lights from China, so she followed them. And she went through the harsh journey in hope of more food. The reason this young girl had sacrificed so much for a bowl of rice. After crossing the frozen river before entering China, a guard stationed nearby attempted to rape Yeonmi. Her mom, afraid for her daughter, had offered herself to shield her daughter but Yeonmi was forced to watch. She was completely powerless, however,  as her actions determined the difference between life and death.

I was sold

Yeonmi had arrived in Mongolia, where she was sent to prison. She feared that the guards might send her back. Yet she was later sent to China and was sold by a broker.Over there, Yeonmi had been sold for less than $300, and her mom was sold for less than a $100. They were sold to a village, and the two were constantly raped, day after day. As in China, due to the one-child policy as well as the significantly lower population of women to men it gave rise to such a horrific human trafficking ring. In her time, Yeonmi felt like she was worthless . The poor girl had crossed the Gobi Desert to escape and find freedom, but she entered her new living hell. However, Yeonmi never gave up on freedom, and whenever she life got difficult, she remembered her father’s words, “ life is a precious gift” and these words inspired her to keep persevering until she found freedom. Eventually, Christian missionaries offered to take her and her mother to South Korea since the country offered free citizenship for them. And all they had to do was convert to Christianity.

The tables in my life have completely turned 

She and her mother gladly agreed, and from there she was able to flee from China to South Korea. Upon landing at the airport, the young girl girl had been so mesmerised by everything. And she had even stuffed her  pockets, with toilet paper as she thought it was the most precious thing. On the car trip, Yeonmi was amazed by all the lights in city, as she had never seen anything like it. On her first time in a car, she said that it felt like flying to her. Entering  South Korea was one of the best things that happened to her, as it not only meant she would find newfound freedom but also meant that after a long time,  her family was finally able to reunite and they were able to meet her sister. In South Korea,  she would attend Hanawon, a place where North Korean defectors would be sent to unlearn everything before joining society. It was over here that Yeonmi and her family discovered that their once beloved dictators were in fact cruel and were not gods but simply  power-hungry human beings. She would realise that all those years were filled with propaganda, and she soon began to see the truth for what it was. Life in South Korea was vastly different, and it took her and her family time to adjust to the new world. However life  did not come with ease, as many of her neighbours who knew she was North Korean often believed that she and her family were spies. Yet she did not let that stop her from following through with her education while her mom worked at restaurants to support their family.

Speaking my truth

Park is strongly  passionate about the topic of human rights. Which had led her to the 2014 Young Leaders Summit in Dublin, Ireland. And she delivered her story which was watched by millions. She strongly advocated for North Korean lives and claims that her story is one of thousands . And that in this present day, all North Koreans are barely able to survive, and the length’s defectors go through is unfathomable . She strongly urges everyone to help and change lives by educating themselves and raising awareness for others, supporting and helping North Korean refugees who are trying to escape to freedom, and  believes we should shed light in the darkest place in the world by pressuring Chinese delegates to help refugees as the human rights of North Koreans are being taken away. Here is the link to her speech if you are interested(  https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=&ved=2ahUKEwjs1aTYm6iCAxUfrlYBHdrJB8EQtwJ6BAgdEAI&url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ei-gGvLWOZI&usg=AOvVaw1zDRaM6b40TTZI17ZubQS9&opi=89978449  ). Park wishes to one day return to her birth land and believes that nothing is forever and that North Korea will change in her lifetime.

America is the freedom land

Park later moved to America. Over there, she attended Columbia University to finish her memoir. In America, she had been mesmerised by the idea that people can own themselves and decide their own destiny. And how, in America, there is equal opportunity for everyone and no prejudice towards people who have disabilities or are poorer. And she found that life here was so different from her life in North Korea. At Columbia University she studied human rights and is now a human rights activist. She has also advised and aided the human rights foundation in sending leaflets,movies, soap operas and flash drives to North Korea via balloon. And she believes that this information will change the minds of many North Koreans and allow them to resist the regime. North Koreans are just like us; they have the same dreams and emotions. She currently resides in New York City with her son.On his birth certificate,it says half North Korean half American ,which to her is the greatest gift as it means her son will be free. Unlike her past, Park lives a relatively normal life now and strongly advocates for the truth about North Korea. 

Personal input

While researching for this story about Yeonmi Park, it was quite different from the others. As for most of my other stories I often refer to many articles. However, in Yeonmi’s case, the first article I clicked kept contradicting her points, almost making it sound as though you shouldn’t believe her. This only further encouraged me to learn more about her story, which is truly fascinating. And for most of my research, I often visited a lot of her videos,  and it led me to her YouTube channel,( Voice of North Korea by Yeonmi Park) which is truly moving, and I suggest that if you are as captivated by her as I am you should go take a look.